I had to puke out all my negative thoughts in my brain because lately, my mind is drowning me. So here we go, it might seem confusing, but that’s what is going on.
Our Corona Infected flatmate, now is ok. We kept ventilated the house, cleaned as much as possible, and slowly he recovered without infecting other people. So the system that we adopted, has worked out.
Things get worse in my head.
Lock-down, curfew at 10 Pm, no job, dream burnt out… I’m going crazy here.
Read this part FAST
It comes and goes.
Disappear.
Oh no, now is back. I cant fucking move my hands from my head.
My head is exploding.
Here, let me type something. (9 Am)
I can’t
I can’t
I Can’t
I Can’t
I CANT’T
I CANT’T
Let me check Facebook
Oh! A notification from Instagram.
Let me check that video on YouTube.
Back to Facebook.
Whatsapp notification
What time is it? Fuck, 12 already ?
My head is spinning like in a vortex.
Makes you keep running in your own world, drains you from positivity and good vibes.
Good Vibes? No thanks, I prefer don’t move from my room.
What do I mean with Vortex?
Negative thoughts became magnets to more negative thoughts. They dig inside you until you begin to question everything.
This fear paralyses you.
The vortex drags your story, your choice, your decision, your ….everything.
It’s terrible.
Is it a city thing?
I thought I had it only in Manchester: thought it was the weather, or maybe was the poor lifestyle, or because I wasn’t happy with the job.
But there you go again !!!! Here, in one of the most exciting city in the world, typing about my fucking depression attack!
Surly a lock down, and a world pandemic doesn’t help!
You start thinking way ahead of time, you almost project yourself with this idea but then fears comes in and Booooooooom ( This sentence makes sense only in my mind)
I think about it, I dream about and then it breaks like a fragile vase hit by a baseball bat!!!
CHubaaaaammmmmm 1000 of pieces everywhere: doubt and insecurity brings back the vortex, dragging you inside, let your head spinning. omgsegwrfiuerbgfweiufh
Reason:
Moving + Pandemic pushed me out of work since March, and trust me when I say it: work helps you in different aspects of life.
I’ve been looking for a job every single day since the beginning of August. I’ve changed my CV five times already and I have three different CVs to make it more suitable for each job.
But nothing is happening.
At the start I was applying to everything, but no answer. Lately I am applying only to things that I am really interested in, and slowly something seems to react.
P.S. It’s already the third time, however, that the interviewer doesn’t show up at the appointment. Are you serious?
End.